Q: How do I communicate with my husband so that my concern for him is not perceived as disrespectful? Also, how do I control my emotions and avoid offense or conflict when my good intentions are misunderstood?

A:  This is such a wonderful question, and just like so many questions, we can find the answer in the Word of God.

Galatians 5:15 says, “But if you bite and devour one another, beware lest you be consumed by one another!” When I read this verse, I see a great warning and great wisdom. I studied this verse, and it says that if we start biting at each other about all those things we don’t like, even if it’s just on the inside, eventually, it’s going to come out, like a pot boiling over, and we’re going to start devouring each other like wild animals!

Now, if you love your husband, then you don’t want to devour him, and that’s why you need to capture those thoughts as soon as possible. It’s easier to capture the first thought than it is the 10th one. It’s easier to capture the fifth one than it is the hundredth one, but no matter where we are, we have to capture those thoughts as soon as possible. We’ve got to start taking control of our thoughts, because the thoughts are connected to the emotions, and if we let nasty emotions rule us, then we will end up devouring that husband that we love instead of helping him.

So, here’s my counsel to you. Instead of thinking about how much he hurt your feelings or how wrong he is, start thanking God for him. Even if you have to write it down on a piece of paper, just get those thankful words out in the open. You see, when thoughts have been aggressively speaking in your mind, you have to be aggressive in counteracting them with thanksgiving — “God, I thank you for my husband. I thank you that I have a husband. I thank you for his job. I thank you for how hard he works. I thank you for his strength.”

If we are not speaking from a place of thanksgiving, our words to our husband are not going to be loving or helpful or supportive, so we need to take control of those feelings. It’s not about just saying, “Okay, I guess I’ll just stop feeling that way.” We can’t do that, but we can control our thoughts, and we can replace the bitter thoughts with thanksgiving, thinking every good thing you can about your husband. Be thankful, and it will bring so much peace to your heart, and that peace will come out in the way you speak to your husband.