Q:  Has a person truly forgiven if she keeps remembering the evil done to her?

A.  I’m grateful for your question, because forgiveness is so important to God.

We see it in Matthew 6:14-15 when Jesus says, “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”

In Mark 11, Jesus talks about faith that can even make a mountain move, and in the middle of that, He reminds us, “And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses” (Mark 11:25). Clearly this matters to Him.

Now, if you have already forgiven but still find yourself remembering the things you forgave, then I want to give you an encouragement and a warning.

First of all, just because you remember it doesn’t mean that you’re in unforgiveness. You can truly forgive a person and still remember the wrong things they did sometimes. Sometimes it’s even the enemy working to bring those thoughts to your memory. 

What you need to worry about isn’t that you are getting reminded of these things but that you are not dwelling on them.  When those thoughts come into your mind, you can start to think, “Oh, that’s right. I forgot that. I can’t even believe they did that. Why am I still so good and kind to that person?” 

When you start rolling those thoughts over in your mind, then you put yourself in a place, even though you’ve already forgiven, where you are opening the door to unforgiveness again. 

What you need to do is just keep shutting that door. When those thoughts come, you can say, “No! I set that person free, and I’m not listening to the devil’s thoughts. He is the accuser of the brethren, so I’m not listening to him!” You can instead choose to pray for that person who wronged you and bless them with your actions. You can pray, “God, don’t punish that person. Release them from that sin. In fact, bless them, Lord.”

God has given us the equipment to do that, so we do not have to lay victim to the unforgiveness and bitterness trying to rise back up in our hearts!