Q:  Why do some Christians, despite the support and community of the church, feel lonely and unhappy? What internal contradictions or personal difficulties might be behind this?

A.  We might not realize it, but sometimes loneliness is just coming from inside of us.

When I was a young woman, I was going to this huge church in Huston, Texas, and I can remember a moment when I was standing in that church with hundreds of people standing around me — and I felt so alone. I thought, “Denise, look at all these people. Why are you so lonely?”

You see, I had people around me, but I was afraid. I didn’t know a soul in that church, and I could have stayed in that same situation — feeling sorry for myself, staying inside of myself — but I had to make the decision to step out instead. I thought, “You know what? I’m going to serve. I’m going to serve somewhere in this church.” So I joined the choir, and I started getting to know people.

Friend, you’ve got to be careful about what you decide to believe about yourself.  The Bible says “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he” (Proverbs 23:7). If I had decided to believe, “I’m just a lonely person,” then I wouldn’t have stepped out of myself — and chances are that in that big, big church, nobody else would’ve come up to me and said, “Oh, you look so lonely. You look like you need a friend.” Sometimes that happens, but most of the time it doesn’t, so I would have just stayed lonely.

And we aren’t the only ones who lose when we stay in ourselves. When you don’t reach out to others, the gifts and talents you have never get given out to them. They never receive the blessing that you could have been to them.

For a long time, I was afraid to give what the Lord had put in me, but then I heard someone say, “If you don’t give what you have, what is going to happen to that person who needed what you have?” Of course, I didn’t want to hold back something good from somebody else, so I stepped past that barrier and started giving what I had.

Oh, friend, the Bible says that “the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable” (Romans 11:29). That means that He never takes them back. God believes that what He gave you is so powerful that He says, “I gave that to her, and I’m not removing it.”

So if the gift is already there, then all you have to do is go humbly before God and say, “Lord, I’m going to do what you put in my hand to do.” Friend, I tell you, if you start doing that, you’re not going to be that lonely person anymore — you’re going to have a smile on your face as you serve those around you.