Q:   How can I pray for my husband so that he longs for God and is not spiritually cold?

A.  That is a great question, and the Bible has wisdom for us on this subject, but the answer is actually not about what or how you pray.

To see what I’m talking about, consider 1 Peter 3:1-2, which says, “Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.”

This verse is talking all about winning your husband to the Lord, but what it talks about isn’t prayer at all — what is most important is your conduct. It is true that you can pray for your husband, but this verse says that your lifestyle is the most powerful thing you have to lead him to God.

I have been counseling women for more than 15 years, and I can tell you that it is so important for us as wives to know when to keep our mouths shut. When you try to preach to your husband, correct your husband, or change your husband, none of it works — you waste your energy and end up feeling more and more disappointed. 

Instead of getting dragged down by all those negative feelings and creating strife in your marriage, you can trust in what this scripture says. It is so clear that your husband will be won without a word.

Friend, this should be such a relief, because I’m sure many of us know that our husbands are not always listening to us. But this verse says, “when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.” Your husband might not be listening, but he is definitely watching you, so you don’t have to be frustrated — just make sure he’s seeing the right things.

Of course you need to pray that he will live for and desire the Lord, but the way you live is what will be so powerful in making those prayers manifest. How you love, how you serve, how you take care of your home, and how you take care of yourself — this is the equipment that God says you should use.