Q: What do you do if a church member is gossiping and your pastor doesn’t address it or even approves of this behavior?

A: The very first thing you do in such a situation is to forgive. It is absolutely a fact.

Gossiping within a congregation is a detriment to the church, and you’re not just imagining it or being paranoid. Maybe you see a group of people talking, and you believe they’re talking about you, but you’re really not sure what they’re actually talking about. But if you actually know they’re gossiping about you, you have to forgive.

The last thing you want is to have offense living in and taking root in your heart. I want to tell you about an example of this from my own life. Many, many years ago, one of my relatives whom I deeply respected and loved so much started spreading a rumor — a lie — about me. 

The reason I know about this rumor is that she talked to a relative, that relative went to tell another relative, and then that relative told the rumor to my sister. How do rumors get spread? Because one person tells another, who tells another, and pretty soon everyone is aware of this made-up lie, participating in a transmission of gossip. And that’s what happened to my relatives in my own family! 

When my sister heard about this rumor, she came to me — she called me “Niecy” — and said, “Niecy, do you know what they’re saying about you?” I said, “Trula, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” So she proceeds to tell me this lie. It accused me of something immoral, which I was in no way guilty of. When she told me the rumor, I thought, Oh, Trula, that’s just ridiculous! I even started laughing. 

But when I really thought about this cruel lie being spread about me by my family, I wondered, How could they? I love them so much. How could they talk about me this way and believe this? I began to get hurt. It felt as if I was trapped in a cage.  I was only in my twenties, and I felt completely trapped in a birdcage because of this vicious rumor. 

I pictured the rounded bars and the small perch inside. I thought, I’m in that cage. 

I said to the Lord, “Lord, this really hurts.” He said to me, “You have to forgive.” And by faith, I forgave them. And I really forgave them. 

Forgiveness always opens the door to Heaven. I was so completely free! 

A few short months later, I was at a gathering with all the relatives who had participated in spreading that rumor about me. My sister looked at me and said, “Are you going to go up to them?” And I said, “Of course!” So I went to be with them. 

I was absolutely free. And that was the end of it! 

When you give forgiveness, you’re the one with power. Not the enemy trying to stir up feelings of unforgiveness and bitterness. These are the things that keep you trapped inside that birdcage. Forgiveness is an act of love, and love covers a multitude of sins. 

Watching people gossip within your church community and even seeing the pastor take it lightly can be troubling, but what I suggest to you is to forgive them. Let them go! 

Ask God what the real truth is. Because when you forgive, peace will enter your heart and you will be set free. You’ll be able to hear the truth from God, not from your heart.