If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.
—Romans 12:18

Have you ever had someone in your life who rubbed you the wrong way? No matter what they did, this person aggravated you so much that you always left their presence inwardly seething. You just felt as if you were about to explode. I’m sure we’ve all met someone who seems to always say something so rude, something that makes you think to yourself, “They are so impolite and so unkind that it just makes my blood boil.”

My friend, the world is filled with all kinds of different and interesting people, and at one time or another, we’ve all had an experience with someone that irritated or annoyed us. Maybe you have a person like that in your life right now. If so, I believe this teaching will help you. 

A Most Disagreeable Person

I’m going to share with you an experience from my own life when my family lived in Riga. Many years ago, I had to deal with a particular person that I did not like. I had a unique problem here, because it just so happened that he and I were the pastors of the two largest churches in that nation, and because of this, we ended up in meetings together all the time. 

I’m not exaggerating when I say this pastor was absolutely one of the rudest, most vulgar, and most belittling people I have met in my entire life. I was constantly shocked by the things that came out of his mouth. I would think to myself, “I cannot believe he said that. How can anybody be so barbaric to say those kinds of things in front of other people?” He was malicious, and everyone was his target, including me!

I sincerely tried to become his friend. Denise and I invited him to our home for dinner. I wanted to open the door for friendship, yet he would continually offend everybody. I would invite him to meetings with other pastors, and when they would say beforehand, “Don’t invite him! He doesn’t care about anybody but himself. He will offend everybody,” I would answer, “Brothers, we need to try to embrace him.” 

One time, I sent him a $20,000 offering to bless his church. This was large for us, especially since we were right in the middle of a building project at that time and needed the money ourselves. But I wanted to build a bridge with him, and I thought if I just sowed a seed, we could form a relationship. Would you like to guess how that pastor received my gift? The very next week, he called his pastoral team and staff together, put my offering in front of them and said, “Look at this stupid little offering Rick Renner sent to us. Couldn’t he do better than that?”

I was shocked, especially since that offering was such a massive sacrifice for us! But I kept trying. I invited him to the dedication of our church, and afterward, he went right to his own congregation and told them everything he didn’t like about our new building. He even went so far as to make fun of it.

I tried everything I could think of to befriend him, but it didn’t matter what I did because this man just kept rubbing me the wrong way. To be truthful, there were many times I privately thought to myself about how much I would like to knock the snot out of this guy! Of course, I couldn’t really think or act like that, but my peace was being disturbed by his behavior. I began praying for patience repeatedly, asking the Lord to help me forgive his words, to help me overlook the ugly things he said to other people. I knew that because he and I were pastors of the nation’s two biggest churches, we were going to be together often, and I had to get along with this man, even if I didn’t want to. 

Sometimes, a wrong mixture of personalities really can be difficult, and two people can be ineffective purely because their personalities don’t work together, so I tried very hard to believe that maybe this pastor and I had personalities that just didn’t match. When I thought more about it, though, I realized that if it was just a personality conflict, then this man must have had a personality conflict with every person on the planet. My personal struggle had gone on for years, but at last, I had to come to the truth that this man, so gifted as a public communicator, had no people skills whatsoever. He was amazing on stage but was otherwise a nightmare, offensive to everyone, and he was not going to change.

Have you ever been in a relationship with somebody you didn’t like or someone difficult, and you realized that the relationship was not going to change? If so, my friend, you have come to a point where you can make a choice.

There I was, in the city with that same pastor, and I felt completely stuck in this terrible situation that wouldn’t change, so I began to say to the Lord, “Change me. If he’s not going to change, then change me.” I didn’t want to inwardly boil every time I saw this man, but I needed the Lord’s help.

That was when I turned to Romans 12:18, and God really spoke to me from this verse:

“If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.”

I found such answers in this scripture. It ministered to me and helped me cope with this difficult man, and through the years, this verse has helped me deal with many difficult relationships. If you have a challenging relationship or feel stuck in a conflict that’s not going to change, this verse is for you, my friend! You can be angry and upset all the time, or you can ask the Lord to show you how to change so you can deal with the situation.

Do Your Own Part

Notice how Paul begins this verse. He says, “If it is possible.”

Paul begins with a question mark that has no definite answer. The fact is, sometimes in life, you will run into a situation where it is not possible to be at peace with all men. Maybe you’re dealing with somebody right now who’s not peaceful, and you just can’t get along with them. That’s just life. Sometimes, you can do everything possible to have peace with someone, and there’s still no peace. It’s not always something that you’ve done wrong. Sometimes, you’re just dealing with someone who is hard to get along with. Regardless of the reason why the problem exists—whether it’s our fault, their fault, or just a wrong mixture of personalities—the command of God is the same: to the best of your ability, if it is possible, get along with everyone!  

In the original Greek, the phrase “If it’s possible” comes from a word that literally describes something that is potentially difficult but completely possible. Paul is essentially saying that being at peace with all men is difficult, but it’s very doable. God’s command is that we give it our best shot. It doesn’t matter how hard it looks. As much as we can, even if it’s difficult, we’ve simply got to give everything we can to have peace with all men. 

In my case, I finally accepted that this pastor and I would never be close or understand one another, and I needed to stop being bothered by it. In the end, I truly felt sorry for him. I wished he could be different, but I learned not to feel his insults too deeply or wish so hard for his correction because, although I couldn’t change him, I knew that I could change my attitude and chose to stay at peace with him. And that is what I did.  

If you are dealing with someone that you think is difficult and is constantly rubbing you the wrong way, then ask the Holy Spirit to help you clearly understand the problem. See the situation for what it really is. If you’re wrong, be willing to admit it, but determine that even if you’re right, and you and that person will just never get along, you’re going to decide to live at peace with all men, just as the Bible instructs.

My friend, always be willing to hear whatever the Holy Spirit has to say to you. He is there to help you if you will simply ask for it. From this moment forward, don’t allow the devil to steal your peace, and refuse to let him steal your focus. Never again allow him to rob you of your peace, because that would ultimately stop or hinder God’s blessings from overfilling your life. God has better plans for you than that. And remember: peace is a decision. The choice to walk in it is entirely up to you.