Q:  How do I protect myself from control and manipulation?  

Denise’s Answer:  I want to thank you for your question. I believe many people have similar concerns. If someone seems to be trying to control everyone around them, it’s important to distinguish between someone who is simply meticulous or passionate about doing things correctly and someone who has a controlling spirit. Being particular and caring about doing things well is a gift. However, a controlling spirit is different—it’s not about the person, but the spirit driving them.

What’s crucial to remember is that you have something more powerful than that controlling spirit. When someone exhibits a controlling attitude, it often stems from a place of fear. The foundation of their desire to control is fear.

You don’t combat fear with more fear; instead, you fight fear with love. As it says in First John 4:18: 

There is not fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. 

It says, “Perfect love casts out fear.” When you were born again, Romans 5:5 says, “The Holy Spirit came inside and brought with Him the very love of God and put it inside your heart.” So you have the love of God in your heart. The very love of God! Not a lesser version! You have the very same love — this is amazing — the very love of God that God loves Jesus with is in your heart!

And that perfect love casts out fear. I looked this up in the Greek language, and to “cast out fear” means that you are in control. Fear is not in contro — love is in control! Hallelujah! That is powerful! You are in control, and what love does is it absolutely silences and disciplines the voice of fear.

Friend, you need to know who you are. We all need to know who we are! There is power inside of us — the love of God inside of us — that casts out fear! We need to recognize and agree with that love, and say, “I don’t have to be intimidated by that person because of the love of God inside of me. I even have the love of God inside me for that person!”

The Bible says love never fails (see 1 Corinthians 15:. Unless you’re thinking, “Oh, you just don’t know my situation—I just don’t know how to love.” That might be a problem. You have to agree with this love inside of you. Humble yourself and agree with God about what He put inside of you. It will cast out fear, and you won’t be intimidated.

I’ll show you one more verse in Proverbs 15:1. Listen to this wisdom!

A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh words stirs up anger.
— Proverbs 15:1

A soft answer turns away wrath.This means that from that presence of the love of God inside you, you can have a softness, a peace, and absolutely rebuke the wrath of that other person. Isn’t that powerful? Friend, we have to recognize the power of God inside of us.

Our enemy is not the person showing you wrath! Our enemy is the spirit of fear — and love conquers that spirit of fear! If anyone had a reason to be fearful in their life, it was Jesus. He was manipulated, betrayed, and denied — but the love of God conquered. Love isn’t about how good of a peson you are — it’s about this great and beautiful salvation! When Christ came into our life, He brought everything — He brought His love — and that love will discipline and cast out all fear. You have power from the love of God living inside you, all you need to do is acknowledge this love and allow it to show through you!