How Do I Stop Mothering My Husband?

Discovering Ruth Q & A  8-26-26

Q:  I’ve heard you teach that a wife is not meant to be a “mom” to her husband, but what should I do if my husband seeks this role in me? He expects advice, instructions, and essentially ready-made solutions. What is the correct course of action?

A:  I can’t tell you what to do, but a very practical suggestion I would make is this: Stop giving advice, stop providing direction, and stop making decisions for him.

You are correct that you are not meant to have all these responsibilities put on you, because you are not the head of your house. Ephesians 5:23 says, “For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.”

The Bible is very clear that the husband is the head, so when your husband tries to put those responsibilities on you, you have the ability to say, “Dear, I’m not going to make that decision for you. I need you to make that decision. You are the head.” You have power in this marriage, and you can make the decision that you’re going to direct your husband in the right way. 

It might be difficult at first, but you have to recognize that you are doing it out of your love for him and your respect for his biblical position as the head of your home. You’re not doing it out of spite, but out of an attitude that says, “I’m going to encourage my husband to make these decisions and step into the way that God has set things up.”

The other thing that I would encourage you to do is just to pray. As you seek the right actions to take and words to say, you can stand on this scripture and say, “Lord, I don’t want to be the head in my family. My husband is the head, and Lord, I’m going to respect him as such.”

Even if you really don’t know what to pray, you can just ask, “Holy Spirit, help me.” Friend, the Holy Spirit has a job and reputation as a Helper, and He knows everything that you need. He knows your character and your desires. He knows everything about your marriage and your husband. He even knows why your husband’s depending on you instead of being the head of the family. 

When you call on the Spirit for help, He will come with all those answers. He will give you wisdom and patience, and He will show you what to do to encourage your husband’s growth.