Can I Forgive My Wife’s Infidelity?

Q:  You’ve taught in the past on a husband’s infidelity, but what does Scripture say to a husband if his wife is the one who has cheated? What should he do when faced with betrayal and a broken family?

A:  Friend, there’s no male nor female in Christ Jesus (see Galatians 3:28). The things that He says to a woman about forgiveness are the same things He says to a man, so as the husband, you have the same responsibility and command to forgive as your wife would have if you had committed adultery against her.

Ephesians 4:32 says, “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.” I don’t see anything in there that says, “If you’re a man, you don’t need to forgive,” or “If you’re a woman, you can skip this command.” I see the commandment to both sexes.

I do want to remind you that if you choose to hold onto your offense and unforgiveness over this betrayal, it’s going to make it very hard to be married to your wife, because it’s going to do a lot of damage to your relationship.

When I think about the destructive effects of unforgiveness, I like to look at Matthew 18, where Jesus tells the story of this servant who was forgiven a great debt. He owed his master the equivalent of 10 million dollars, but the master chose to have mercy and forgive that servant.

But then what did that forgiven servant do? He went out, enjoying his freedom, and he saw another servant who owed him only $20, and he put his hands around that other servant’s neck and said, “Give me what you owe me!”

That other servant begged for mercy, but the first servant, who had been forgiven so much, refused to forgive, and he threw the other servant into prison.

Friend, that is a picture of what unforgiveness does. When we refuse to forgive, it’s like we’re throwing the person who wronged us into prison, and that means we’re taking the place of judge that belongs to God.

If you want to hold onto unforgiveness, I encourage you to stop and think, “What if God wants to change this person? What if He was working in this person’s heart, and then I threw her into a prison of the sin she committed against me?”

Don’t try to do God’s job, friend. You will just cause more damage and maybe even lose that relationship with your wife or whoever it is that wronged you. Remember that God forgave you much, and you have the power to forgive that person in the same way.