Can A Wife Ever Disobey?

Q:   We’ve all been taught that a wife should be submissive to her husband, but Abigail the wife of Nabal was not obedient to her husband when she saved her family from David’s wrath. How are we to understand her example?

A:  That’s a very good question, and before I answer, I think it’s really important to understand what the situation is in that story.

Abigail was married to a very cruel man — even his name, Nabal, meant rude, evil, and harsh — and he had very harshly insulted David and his men, so they were coming to completely wipe out his household.

These were hundreds of hardened warriors approaching with the intent to kill Abigail’s husband, her children, and even the servants in her house, so she was in a hopeless situation, and frankly speaking, she was not obedient to her husband in that situation — but she saved his life and the lives of her whole family from certain destruction.

So what does this mean for us? Well, the truth is that women are made strong. The Lord created us as helpers and gave us responsibility within the family — not simply to be faceless servants. 

Abigail understood her responsibility and possessed the knowledge and wisdom to fulfill it. In that moment, she recognized that her responsibility was to prevent a tragedy, to protect her horrible husband and all the rest of her household, so she went out to meet David’s men, asked for mercy, and sent provisions ahead of her.

It may look as though she showed no respect to her husband, but in reality she saved his life along with everyone else’s.

Of course, I am not saying you should come against your husband with an attitude that says, “I’m the only one here who knows how things should be done. You’re wrong, so I’m just in charge now.” Of course not: the Bible still commands us, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22).

Instead of controlling, the woman I’m describing submits her will to the Lord and fulfills the responsibilities He gives her.

So ask yourself, “What are my motives?” If your motive is control, then that is evil. However, when you are motivated by the desire to avoid harming others or to get closer to God and what He’s calling you to do — when doing what is right is the reason you are willing to take the full burden of responsibility upon yourself — then the Lord will certainly bring restoration and salvation into whatever situation you’re needing to step up in.

(Discovering Ruth Q & A  11-4-26)